Life After the Altar marriage conference 2011

The “Life After the Altar” 2011 marriage conference

Five years ago this month my wife, Denise and I organized and put on a (me being the key note speaker) a marriage conference at the Chattanooga Choo Choo in down town Chattanooga Tennessee. This was our third conference. After a near ending to our marriage in 2005 we both became very passionate about working with couple in strengthening their relationships.

I have spent many hours reading about and studying everything that I could get my hands on about marriage and relationships.  One of the biggest problems that I found between partners is “Expectations”. It begins well before the “I do” but, in most cases, takes years to develop. Most people going into marriage have a list of dreams and desires that they have on a virtual wish list. A three bedroom, two bath home with a white picket fence, 2.3 kids, and Sunday dinners under an old oak tree. Fast forward a few years, when things aren’t going quite like you had planned, and tempers begin to rise, figures get pointed and all of a sudden the man or women of your dreams just isn’t fulfilling the promises that you THOUGHT they had made. Your dreams have turned into “Expectations”.

I had to learn a very hard fact when Denise and I were apart. I had to learn, in detail, exactly what she owed me and that was precisely nothing.  If I expected my wife to love me and she did then what had she done, nothing. She was now up to zero because she had only done what I had expected her to do so how could she ever be special? When I learned not to expect anything then I really learned to appreciate her for her.

Marriage is meant to compliment your weakness. It is a partner not a maid. Your dreams are you dreams, if you want them then go for it but don’t blame your partner if they don’t come to life.



Tommy Eldridge 

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